Ah Ambala!!

Quick Facts.

1. They say if Barbie was to be scaled to real life proportions, she would have a size-39 bust. If Malgudi were to be scaled to present day proportions, it would be bigger than Ambala.
2. There are more rodents than people watching movies in a theatre.
3. The recent claim to fame was Madhvan sacrificing his life trying to save the town in 'Rang De Basanti'. Reports in the local media suggest that this was the first time a movie ran to half the theatre capacity in Ambala. The theatre is run by the Army and it screens pirated copies of movies.
4. After eight in the evening you only hear the dogs bark or the voice of pathi of the mohalla gurudwara.

I was born in Bombay but have spent most of my life in Ambala. You won't find the city on most of the maps of India with the exception of Railway Maps and Air Force bases maybe. Everything about the city except it's geographical size is fat and Punjabi, though they actually mean the same.
Let me get into the history of the place. There are many theories behind the name Ambala. It's considered to be a distortion of the word Ambwala, beacuse of the large number of Mango orchards around the city. Another version says that the place has been inhabited since the times of Mahabharata and was the state of Princess Ambika.
The documented history begins with the establishment of the British cantoment in the early 19th century. It gained more importance after the Karnal Cantonment was moved after the plague of 1841. Historians attribute the above mentioned condition of the cinema halls to that incident.

I would like to create a subpost here of the dictionary of the terms for places in the cantonment which you will find more or less consistent throughout India.

1. Mall Road: The road where in the evening you find bald, big moustachioed Army officers who take their equally ferocious dogs for a walk. Generally, you can't differentiate between the two species.
2. Lal Kurti: No, it's not the title of the song from David Dhawan's latest flick. Supposed to be the market exclusive to the British soldiers in the Raj Days. Called so, because of the red coat they used to wear.
3. Sadar Bazar: The market for the commoners.
4. Kali Paltan: The barracks for the soldiers of Indian origin.

The following are exclusive to Ambala and I am proud of it. I don't think I need to explain what they mean.

1. Chidimaar Mohalla
2. Kabadi Bazaar

I am having fun writing this. Remembering all the stories of childhood. Cut to the present. In this city everyone knows everyone. Probably the reason why no girl ever agreed to go out with me. It's another thing that this is the exactly reason I never asked any girl to go out with me.

The populace is straight out of Mira Nair's Monsoon Wedding, which is generally true for any Punjabi town. There's no Neha Dubey though

Of late, there has been lots of money flowing in the city. Reason being, the more than flourishing cloth business. Ambala is the cloth market of the region. And surprise, we have our own multiplex coming up. When I told this to a friend who left Ambala 5 years back, her reaction was, "I always thought Ambala can only have more and more chaat shops opening up."

If by any chance-which is once in a million-you happen to come to the city, visit the following places.

1. Om Restaurant, Sadar Bazar-A shanty right in the middle of a throbbing market. Serves the god damn best cheese toast in the world.
2. Kaka Chaat Shop- Paani Puri in 5 different flavors. I've never had anything better
3. Pooran Singh da Dhaba, Bus Stand- Go there for the chicken. Beware though, there are about 10 dhabas by the same name. Give me a call. I'll guide you to the right one.
4. Shambhu Sarai- Now, I guess most of the Ambalvis would be unaware of this. Go on the G.T. Road towards Patiala. About 20 kms from Ambala, you'll find a fort of sorts on the right. Built as a rest house for travellers during the Mughal Times. Beautiful Place.
5. Peer Baba, Sector-7- Nice little tomb of a Muslim peer. People from Pakistan used to come for the Annual Urs right until the 70s.
   

If you've come this far, you are the second most useless person in this world. The first of course, is myself. Thanks for reading this, though.